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Channel: Conscience Round
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FREAK BEHAVIOR! (II)

Waiting at the ruby diadem of the traffic light, scarfing down a bread roll so soaked in industrial-grade butter I can feel it insta-coat the inside of my mouth, a sudden film of fat across the entire...

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She works her will

Walking to the dojo as night falls in tall, uneven stripes, observing myself observing myself, performing for an audience of one, of many. Hiking up the straps of my bag, feeling the churn, thresh and...

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FREAK BEHAVIOR!

You point out where you live on a map app but I already knew the name of your neighborhood because I tracked what direction you took from two different stations on two separate occasions and...

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Matchpoint, or Strong enough to do it or strong enough not to

The fact of the matter is, I overthought it. I overthought it, and then I oversold it. I trembled across the slim line between cop cars. On the highway, legs wet on the leather, I hit the gas....

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See me through

See through me. See me through. See the difference? You’re right, there isn’t one. Don’t do too much, I say to myself, over and over. Take a deep breath and don’t do too much. Less is more and don’t do...

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Wading through the Rubicon

Afternoon, Tokyo. A big red car called Rubicon crosses my path. What exactly did you win and die for, Julius Caesar? A nightmare in which a lesser woman wins a grander prize. Wait, I was awake when...

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Visits from the spirit

Compromise is a good word, but compromised isn’t? Stripping the sheets off the bed. The bowl has to be washed first, but it’s too big on the rack. Shadows in my brain like shrapnel. They didn’t do...

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The shepherd

A fair fight, a sentence to death. In the center of a sniper’s sight, I miss you already. An apparently humorless man, but still I saw you, when you turned away, smiling at the way I stood there with...

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Intent but not intention / 合宿 / 顔色

Give me a little more credit. Big clouds, wave skimming with easy light. You don’t let me finish my thought. You don’t let me process the feeling. Telling Alvin I’m trying. Feeling lost. Streaks on my...

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Mixed message

He starts talking, agape and eros and I think, oh no, he knows. Nacre heart on my neck. Never were, never weren’t. The issue is, activism is embarrassing. The issue is, you save lives by inventing...

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Ask for more or nothing

AI-generated poetry is preferable to human-written poetry? Oh, we are actually done for. The authors describe the reason in the results: The AI poems are more accessible. My house is full of cowards...

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Enter here / 入る

Pylon, python. Ready with a wet rag. An impression of me, between sheets, humidly, on glass. My desire is to write the book on you—poised, perfect, candlelit—while you struggle, at my feet, to scratch...

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The barricade

False, that I walk through a gray Tokyo evening, arms out like a windswept umbrella, crying to Jeff Buckley. False, that I have fallen in love. False, that my abs won’t show, no matter how long I plank...

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Ares and Aphrodite (April and August)

Awkward, to be developing an affection for Alvin that is not romantic nor absolutely platonic, and as a result feels abjectly transgressive. But, by God, defer your judgment of me for just one moment....

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Beach girl

I spend two weeks at the beach and in that time my lifelong suspicion towards the water tightens into a ball of wiry dislike. Gummy in my mouth, spat onto the cement. Yes, the ocean is like a metal...

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Ars nova, ars subtilior

You don’t know what to say to me. You don’t know what I’ll understand. And if you do say something, you don’t know how I’ll take it. So you say nothing. You decide it’s not worth the risk. Your mood...

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Wounded by a good friend

Feeling, today, the mediocrities of my life press down hard on me, crushed flakes of butterfly between pages of leatherbound. Feeling, today, like I am boring and predictable, that is, the fate...

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Cry, baby

Thank you, velvet ribbon of time, for finally ending April; I cry more in that month than in any other, and it is piteous, and awkward, and a defeat for all of my senses. Cruel month for a cruel girl...

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Best, your loving peptide dealer

Against my best judgment, I am sending you a message. I hope you are proud of yourself because I don’t send messages to just anybody. But yes, you insulted my vanity and no, I am not able to let that...

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声をかけて

“Lock in, bitch,” I think, squatted over the public toilet. An improbable can of Mountain Dew perched on the ledge behind me; its original contents, it occurs to me darkly, are the same yellow tone as...

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